What are these things and why do I want to read them?

I want to read medieval historical fiction. Save me.

After searching 'Plantagenet' on Amazon, I was bombarded with sweeping tales of illegitamate daughters and kings' sisters longing for romance and adventure so hard Disney princesses would disown them. And you know what? I feel like torturing myself a bit: I actually want to read them.

I tend to not like female protagonists in medieval settings.They're always 'ahead of their time' and 'strong-willed', meaning I have to sit through a score of princesses trying to show up the royal guards and join the ranks of generally pig-headed soldiers who I could honestly care less about. No one thinks like women would have in the 1300s, 1400s, what have you, in the least bit.. All they do is but heads with authority and patriarchy and I do not give one damn about how feminist it is. I didn't come here for premature feminism via medieval Mary Sues. And yet...I am intrigued.

So I'm going to find a medieval historical fiction novel. I am going to read it. I will probably not enjoy it. And if I find one, you will probably hear no end to my opinions. But hey. That's why you read this blog anyway. Now if you'll excuse me, I will probably finish this NaNoWriMo in January at this rate and Richard II is not depressed enough to provide wordcount.

MIND: BLOWN

So I decided to watch Shrek 2 today, reliving those miraculous days when the Shrek franchise was still good. (I was one of those people refused to see the fourth movie, FYI. Too many memories to ruin.) Drifting along in wonderful nostalgia, I started recalling blissful memories of the first movie. Then it hit me.

I would hope anyone who has likewise enjoyed the first two movies would recall Lord Farquaad. If not, here's a reference.

Got that image in your head again? Good. Prepare yourselves.

So I recently also sat down with my computer for a good dose of Laurence Olivier on Youtube (also currently in the process of making a guide to watching his Richard III). Now brace yourselves. Remember what Laurence Olivier looked like as Richard III?

LOOK AT THAT. Same hair, name face, same color scheme. Think about it. Really think about it. Lord Farquaad is Richard III. Tell me I'm not the only one who sees it.

NaNoWriMo Dares

I'm sorry to leave you so soon after I came back, well...yesterday. But I before I leave you for November for National Novel Writing Month, I have another task for you.

Dare me.

I am currently accepting NaNoWriMo dares for my wonderfully depressing little novella about Richard II, Mockery King of Snow. And so, my lovely readers, if you have an odd little request floating around in your head, help a blogger out and maybe I can get 50,000 this year. Gramercies.

The world totally ended because I forgot to post, right?

In other words, I'm dreadfully sorry I haven't been on here in while. I can't imagine what kind of life you would lead without me to summarize sappy French musicals or ramble about pro-Tudor biases. I've been busy. Very busy. Too, busy, one could say. Put rest assured, I have been productive. For instance...

I currently have half a sketchbook filled with Richard III costume designs for the production I someday hope to direct. *fingers crossed, three copies of the play at my side, insistance that I am not obsessed at all thank you very much*

I went to a wonderful little NaNoWriMo kickoff where I found out there are people who appreciate my nerd-shoes and my novel's plot.

I spent nearly six hours at the Ren Fest in which time I purchased a muffin hat (*squee*) and a plague doctor mask, became dazed and confused, accidentally soaked my entire sleeve in garlic, and lost 2/3s of my group. I swear it was actually a good day.

Restarted my current novel. And my other current novel. A month before I have to write another one. No, I do not have too many books going.

And just for waiting around for me, here's a preview of the shirt I plan on wearing to the next Twilight movie.

 Now to order it.

You there. I have a task for you.

Yes, you.
Behind the computer.
Don't think I don't know you're there.
Since there seem to be one or two people who read this thing, I have a propostition for you. And it's not a poll, I swear. But I do want you to suggest something.

Inspiration struck when reading my new find, 'Royal Blood: Richard III and the Mystery of the Princes', which is my second book with that famous Princes in the Tower painting on it. You know, this one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Princes.jpg
I was asked who the two girls on the cover were. Getting on with the point and hearing tales about daughters of noblemen disguised as men because the family needed an heir. Jokingly, I said, "However crackpot that theory is, someday I will back that up with historical fact."
Then I realized: I have a history blog. I'm in the right position to do this sort of thing.

So I want you to give me the most crackpot theory about the midieval ages you can possibly come up with. Weather it's the previous notion that Edward V was a girl or if you want me to prove that Henry IV and Richard II were the same person, go ahead. Suggest it down in the comments. I'll pick the most entertaining of my options and run with it.

And make a...*gasp...WEB COMIC about it. The choice is yours, readers. Wherever you are.

Dear Historians: The Tudors? Really?

Sorry for the brief reprive from R&J, but I thought we might need it .As I complained in my last post, I have a huge beef with English history sections in bookstores.

THE TUDORS.

I don't have a problem with the Tudor dynasty itself. It was a pleasantly dysfunctional time when it came to succession and problems with the nobility. Problem: where'd the Plantagenets go?
I have previously explained my plight at Half Price with attempting to find a book on Richard II. I did once find a book on Richard III and ended up buying it for a buck, but that's not the point. You have to SIFT. And I mean sift through those books. Last night, I came out with one book from the history section.
So is there any explaination for the Tudor phenomenon, or am I just the only one who notices? It's hard to be a late medieval period scholar these days...

Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 8)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQK3_vkKRak&feature=related

Okay, so after watching 'Les Rois du Monde' a few million times in a head-bobbing trance, I'm moving on to this song. Please don't disappoint me, new song. I'm on a good music high and I don't like to be taken down a notch.
The music is sad now. This is gonna be a sad song. No, look, writer! I don't want a sad song after that! You're horrible at transitions! Ooooh, Lilly's back. This isn't looking good. Romeo's all emo again. Boo-hoo, Romes. You're going to a party. I feel so bad for you. Why are you whining? Stop it.
H'okay, you can't act. What's with the dramatic fainting motions and making squinty-faces? Lilly comes up behind him. Lilly, you're creepy. Romeo, you still can't act. And, oh, you're 'scared'.

...Of what?

And why is Lilly flailing you around? How are you singing from that position? LILLY, STOP GROPING PEOPLE... Or blowing on them creepily. I have to wonder: where did this sudden moment of sheer terror come from? You were just dancing merrily a couple minutes ago.
Not saying this isn't a pretty song. Or his voice isn't kind of awesome. It's just...the acting. And the context. Do we have any clue why Lily's here yet? Seriously.
If I were Romeo, I wouldn't be singing. I'd be trying to get the freaky lady with the mummy bandages off my back.
So do we get that Romeo's scared yet? Because he's scared. He's totally scared. Of what, I don't know. But he's scared, alright. So scared, man.
Ah, phew! Mercutio's coat is back. Romeo, presumably, goes back to party hard.

Thoughts: Lilly. What the hell is she? Why's she trying to make a move, albiet and invisible one, on Romeo? AND WHAT IS ROMEO SO DAMN TERRIFIED OF?

Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 7)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZI8jeXyhxA&feature=related

The Montagues gather on the stage. It's about to get real up in here. In SLOOOO-MOOOOO.


Nah, here we go. This music is catchy. And YAY, ROMEO'S HAIR IS BACK! I mean...Romeo's back. Ahem. He starts singing about how awful  it must be to be a king of the world. As the girls fall all over him. Jeeze, Romeo's quite the ladies-man, isn't he? And Spiky Coat and Lance Bass are back! Does this mean...the coat DOES feature prominently in the play! I was right! It's Mercutio!
In turn, Lance Bass does the same thing. Romeo seems perky. Whatever happened to Rosalind and that whole mopey subplot? Gone? Ah well.
Now comes the highly coreographed dance to the...really catchy hook. I like this hook. I feel like dancing to this myself... Do I actually LIKE this song? I...I do.
Wow.
This is impressive after the travesty that was part six. I have renewed hope in this thing.
Mercutio has his verse about how terrible being rich and powerful is. Because partying is important in life. Partying and having no morals. Don't look at me--it's in the lyrics.
Everyone rolls around on stage. Why does this keep happening? Do we have no extra dancing we can do in between choruses? No? Alright then.
I'll just say this right now: these costumes entertain me. Look at them. Romeo's wearing a blue leather suit with ruffles, Benvolio has that stupid turquois spaceman jumpsuit, and...well, Mercutio's jacket exists.
Someone backsprings across stage, which is becoming a motif apparently. Then he breakdances. What time period are we in again? Something's renaissance-y about this, but there's something a bit too modern here. I shouldn't have to ask these questions.


I CAN'T FIGHT IT ANYMORE!

Nous on fait l'amour, on vit la vie!
Jour après jour, nuit après nuit!
A quoi ça sert d'être sur la terre!
Si c'est pour faire nos vies à genoux!
On sait que le temps c'est comme le vent!
De vivre y'a que ça d'important!
On se fout pas mal de la morale!
On sait bien qu'on fait pas de mal!

(I looked up those lyrics and I am not ashamed of myself...at all. I can't transcribe French very easily. Because I'm horrible at writing it down... One year of French doesn't help sometimes.)

MORE DANCING! BRING IN THE DANCING GIRLS! FEEL THE BEAT! THIS IS AWESOME! FORGET THE REST OF THE MUSICAL!

...

Well then.

The Montagues and Mercutio go to the party. Exeunt severally. The end.

Thoughts: Um...I really like that song. Especially the hook. Can we pretend the rest of the musical sounds like that and move on?

Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 6)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqSrYa-PDvY&feature=related

Just for kicks, I decided to bring in a guest to comment on our next number with me. Say hello to my dearest friend, Poetoffire. I asked her to so kindly give her commentary over Skype in real time while we viewed part six of the neverending saga of Roméo et Juliette. This will probably only make sense if you watch between reading. Since this number was fairly short and annoying, I think we'll be fine. If you want to skip the live commentary, I'll do a short recap at the end.

Bloody Mary Sue: My god, that music is poppy.
I wanna dance to it.
Poetoffire: The nurse's hair looks like a bowl of spaghetti.

BMS: What happened to the stupid twinkly music?

POF: They're still speaking in sign language.

BMS: Half of them do. And why is Beardy dancing with a bunch of guys?

POF: Lady Capulet annoys me.
Everyone's overemoting.

BMS: RIVERDANCING.
WUT.
This song is nothing like any of the others. I doubt this is from the same musical.
EVERYONE TALKS WITH THEIR HANDS.

POF: I have been listening to too much Rocky Horror, because superimposed on the French I can hear Terrence Mann growl "Don't!  Get!  Hot!  And!  Flustered!  Use!  A!  Bit!  Of!  Mustard!"
 
BMS: Nurse and Lady C are acting like they're trying to sell her to the slave trade.
So...opinions?
Personally, that was...out of place.

POF:  Obnoxious, overly monochromatic, eerily reminiscent in tone to numbers like "Masquerade" from Phantom, and Lady Capulet has crazy eyes.

BMS: This whole number just kind of...blew the top off everything else. I'm confused. And I want to know who red-head lady is.
She's been emoting since the first number.

POF: Who?
I honestly don't care anymore.

BMS: That was a really annoying number.

POF:  It reminded me of that one patriotic song.

BMS: I think that number could've been handled a lot differently.
And a lot better.

POF: I think it was obnoxious through and through.

BMS: The music choice was just weird.
Waaaay too pop-y.

POF: And it didn't further the plot from the last song.

BMS: I think if they'd combined the ideas of those two songs into something, it might've worked. This one just kind of reiderates it.
Also, I just rewatched the beginning.
The nurse is annoying.

***

GAH! La musique! Weren't we all Parisian Cafe-y a second ago? I didn't like THAT certainly, but I prefer it to this.
Everyone's rough-housing Juliet. And luckily, red head lady isn't the nurse. It's Spaghetti Hair lady (thanks for that, Poetoffire, now I'll never stop seeing it). This Lady C is a lot different than the one in the third number. A lot more...annoyingly peppy. Presumably, she's telling Juliet how wonderful it is now that she's of marrying age and men are going to be seeking her hand. Ah, the joys of being objectified! Juliet isn't impressed. Nor would I be. In fact, she looks pretty terrified. Get the poor girl out of the awful musical number, for heaven's sakes!
And now Nurse is assaulting her. Wasn't her mother bad enough? And seriously: why does everyone talk with their hands so much? No, Juliet, you don't have to look happy. This is terrible. Here come the riverdancing girls... Why? Just...why?
Now Juliet talks to Nurse for awhile. And she's not a very good actress. Neither of them are, really. Bring back Escalus!

Thoughts: That was...annoying. Sorry about that. I truly am.

Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 5)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shh1M5fh3X4&feature=related

(Check the others: they have pictures too now)

Is that...no. Paris? PARIS? Paris, your coat looks like a Ren-Fest worker was given a week and the wardrobe of an eighties soap opera to make a costume. Gold lamé doesn't work on everyone, deary. Your sleeves look like grenades too.
And who is the red head lady? Why does she keep showing up? Is this someone I should be concerned about?
Any-who, Lady C and Paris are talking while very French music plays. Then he starts singing about how charming he is. I'm sorry, Paris darling, but that's not how you do it. Especially when your singing voice isn't up to par. And simply saying 'Give her to me' is not the most...effective of methods when you're trying to convince her parents to let you marry her. Nor is dancing with her mother. You know, Paris, I liked you in the actual play. I felt sorry for you. I coined a literary syndrom after you. But why is everyone in this play really creepy when they're introduced? Seriously: Escalus, Romeo, now you. Please tell me this isn't a continuing trend.
Waaaaait. Is red head lady...the NURSE? She's tending to Juliet, she's been shown more often than not...no. It couldn't be. Tell me I'm wrong. Just like Beardy is...I won't even go there yet. I don't want to.
Speak of the devil! There he is! And who's the guy who's uncomfortably close to him? I'm sorry Lord Capulet, but Beardy and Baldy seem to have something going on here. Who's that guy dancing with Lady C?
The ladies try to convice Juliet that Paris is hot. It doesn't work. I don't blame her: Paris doesn't quite live up to their...miming. Beardy looks angry. BEARDY MAD! BEARDY SMASH! Don't tell me you don't wish that was happening.

Thoughts: Well...that was short. This was probably my least favorite song and this play might just make me not like Paris.

Watch Along: Pictures I should've included

I'm going to start including a picture for each from now on. Examples:

Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 4)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URP-c784JCs&feature=related


Start at about 56 seconds in on this one. Unless you really want to watch Lance Bass again.

So we begin with a girl in a red dress. Judging by color scheme, this is Juliet. She's hugging a pillow. All she needs now is a diary and some music blaring in the background and the scene is complete. But the music is all pretty now. She's gonna sing. Joy...

Wait. That's a dude. I'm assuming that's not her voice. Though that would be epic. Nooo, that's extremely-attractive-hair man. Romeo? Please be Romeo.
WHOA WHY IS JULIET FLOATING. Seriously? Where'd that set piece come from? Audience, stop clapping. They haven't done anything yet. Wait...is the whole wall a projection screen? Who's the hologram here?
This is getting cheesy. As I expected. Why is Romeo stalking a couple on the streets? Stop watching them kiss. You're being creepy.
I assume they're talking about wanting to be in love for just one day. That seems to pretty much sum up this song. Is Juliet's bed...floating around? Or is the camera moving? Or is Romeo floating? Who cares. He has pretty hair. He can float around as much as he wants. But notice: does he look like a hologram in the close-ups? No. When they zoom out? He seems to be a projection. I don't know where the set is anymore. Or...what the set is.
ROMEO. THERE'S A GIRL SINGING THE HARMONY OF YOUR WEEPY LOVE-SONG RIGHT ABOVE YOU. LOOK UP MORE. SHE'S RIGHT THERE. *ahem* Anyway...
Aaaand Lance Bass is back. That was abrupt. I didn't even have time to transition out of finally accepting the cheese.
Oh, there's a screen there! That makes sense now. But...why? Lance Bass tells him his mother's looking for him. They walk past each other a bunch. Romeo...disappears into the ether? Wh-...Where'd he-- Never mind. Makes as much sense as anything else.

Thoughts: Kick out Benvolio. This play stars Romeo's hair and Romeo's hair alone. Maybe Escalus. But, Romeo, please stop with the creeping.

Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 3)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcSPBvzTybw&feature=related

And we're back. Now the music is all sad. Lilly, stop making hand gestures. Now the flowy sleeves are flying everywhere and they're still fighting. Didn't you all pay attention? Escalus's coat his kind of hard to miss.
Okay, so THIS lady must be Lady C. She's wondering where Juliet is apparently and telling her to look around at the fighting. The song's called 'Hatred' in English, so...makes sense. The fighting looks a little more dance-y now.
And heeeereee's Lady Montague. Probably here to sing about the same thing. One of those compare/contrast songs. It's nice. But why is her lipstick that weird color? No one needs lipstick a million times lighter than their actual skin. It just looks odd. I like her voice, though.
Still, what's with the dance-fighting?
Lady C points dramatically at the hate. Look. Look at the hate. It's a lot of hate. She's pointing right at it. There's some hate right there. Okay, Montagues and Capulets. You're not fighting. You're dancing dangerously. There's no fighting here. There's twirling.
The Ladies point accusingly at each other. Weren't we just talking about how bad hatred was? The audience claps. Why do we need to see them? They're not interesting at all.
Here comes Benvolio, aka Lance Bass. Does that make Freaky Beard...nah, it can't be. Not until I know for sure. I won't freak out until then. She asks him where Romeo is. Benvolio gets all nervous and avoids the question with such grace that I almost applaud him. But he finally admits he doesn't know. Lady Montague's hair is strange. I just noticed that. Huh.
She demands he go and search for Romeo. He mocks her. Well done, Benny-boy. Such grace. I can see why you were the sane cousin in the play. And here we leave off.

Thoughts: The voices in this are awesome. Benvolio's a bit out of character and still no main characters, but I can wait it out.

Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 1/2)

Watch along with me here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO22zFuldwM&feature=related

Fair warning. It's in French. And while I'm not fluent, I can understand a bit and I'm very familiar with the plot of Shakespeare's play. So unless you speak more French than I do, be prepared to take what I give you and be confused when I am. As far as I know, this may be the worst decision of my life. Adaptations of R and J tend to be on the...really, really bad side. But I like French musicals and I like Shakespeare, so I'm gonna go for it.

Alright so we start off with a really long monologue with a cheesy burning heart thingymabobber in the background. After a LOT of credits. How many people worked on this thing? The opener is also really long and really cheesy. It's something about love stories and the moon and the 'night and the guitars'...wait, what? Never mind. I'll skip along for you. It's pretty much the same thing from here on out. Love, blood, and rhetoric. (+2 nerd points if you caught the reference) I'm literally going to skip forward on this thing. Just bear with me and imagine the chorus of Romeo and Juliet being done twice as long at less than half the speed and--
ACK. WHO'S THE CREEPY LADY? WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE? IS THAT...Juliet? Maybe? I certainly hope not. She freaks me out. Her eyes are...weird.
BLUE LIGHTS UP. Those are the Montagues. I'm pretty damn sure of it. Blue and Red is always the color scheme. And if my calculations are correct...
DRAMATIC RED LIGHT. Ha! I was right! They run in a jerky formation at each other. Or...stomp. Or...wait, it's over?

That was disappointing. Let's keep going, I guess. I want to get to something. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KJk0KZjTdI&feature=related

GAH! Why is Creepy Lady still there? Get her away from me! What exactly IS the purpose of her continously looking up at something? Is this a motif? Wait...that's just the end of the last video.
Ahem. Anyway. Moving on. LIGHTS. A couple people run towards each other. The set looks like a Lego castle set.  And GET OUT OF MY FACE CREEPY LADY. Are you the chorus? Are you the angel of doom or something? I don't get you...
She waves her hand. Some pop-y music plays and everyone's...laughing. Okay, so we're on the streets of Verona. I guess. Makes as much sense as anything else.
Then a dude comes in and...dear god that's a shiny coat. That's a really shiny coat. With lots of bling. And fur. He must be Escalus. They bow to him. No fighting yet. But I'm in lurve with his voice. And his hair. I don't know why. He's being creepy.
Aaaand his shirt is sparkly too. Why am I not suprised? It's hard to understand what they're saying, but it's something about living in Verona and there seems to be some tension. Creepy Lady flaps her sleeves. Seriously, who is she? This song is growing on me. I sincerely hope the rest of the soundtrack keeps up with it. And if that's Romeo withe the boy-band frosted tips...kill me now. I'm assuming the redhead is Lady C, and she's freaking me out a bit.
And STOP IT Creepy Lady. WHO. ARE. YOU? The more I look, the more ridiculous the costumes are. There's a guy in a blue jacket that seemes to be poofed out into spikes. If that jacket doesn't feature prominently, I will be sorely disappointed.
Creepy Lady keeps existing. I'm going to call her Lilly from now on. It suits her and I have no other ideas. I kinda like this song. And Escalus's voice. I hope he's in here more. Lilly flaps around some more. Get off the stage and let the man sing. I'd really like that. You look like the Mummy meets the Bride of Frankenstein in a blender with stupid sleeves. Escalus has cooler sleeves than you do. Take that.
Now the music is all sad. NOW IT'S ANGRY. The red shirt guy is going cray-cray. Someone backhand-springs across the stage. Lilly fwooshes around. There's a bunch of screaming. Someone tell me what's happening.
Does this mean...oooh. Are we going to fight now? Jolly good. I love a good skirmish. This is getting intense. I might need some popcorn. And now there's two dudes in the middle. The servants from the beginning of the play, I presume. Maybe Lord Capulet and Lord Montague. It's Freaky Beard vs. Lance Bass. I'm intrigued. There's some highly choreographed dancing while they walk dramatically towards each other.  Freaky Beard gives Lance Bass a 'you got served' gesture and Lance Bass tackles him.
Escalus is back! Yay! Didn't he just leave five seconds ago...nah, forget it. He yells and flails his arms a bit and Lilly stands there looking devious. I still don't like her. It's going to take a lot for that to change.
And my thoughts on the color scheme were right. It's always blue and red. He says he's pardoning them this once, but if it happens one more time, the prince is gonna go medieval on 'em. And then it's over.

Thoughts: I'm gonna give this a chance. Prince Escalus better come back and Lilly better prove herself. Peace out.

I have a poll

Look at the shiny poll. If you want me to do more articles, vote on it.

Here's a preview sketch of Edward IV to bribe you.

Quick Updates: Guess what today is? *evil grin*

It's the anniversary of the Battle of Bosworth Field! And I didn't know it until I checked Twitter! And that's a sad say for me... And I forgot to wear my Richard III shoes. I have a slight obsession, if you haven't noticed. So happy Richmond Day to you all. I've gotta go to rehersals.

Bloody Mary Sue reads...IVANHOE: Part 1-ish

Sorry for the um...not so frequent updates. I was trying to work on something about Tudor history books, but instead, another topic has captured my attention.

Ivanhoe.

I picked up Ivanhoe while looking for the Hobbit at the library. I've always been meaning to read it for some odd reason or another and there it was, only checked out three times in the past five or six years. I know I was supposed to do some Holinshed, but frankly, I don't think I could entertain you.

So Ivanhoe. We start out with some pretty descriptions of England in the 12th century, which is nice. However, I grow to resent it after three pages. I kind of want to skip it, but I can't without a certain amount of guilt say I've read Ivanhoe and not read the first pages. There are a lot of descriptions in here. Boy, are there a lot of descriptions. Descriptions. Descriptions. Clothes. Franklins. There's something about the Normans and the Saxons that you probably don't need to know except the Normans are French and everybody speaks French because the Normans pwnd the Saxons.
Oh. And clothes.
There's these guys. They're the first human contact we've had. Their names are Gurth and Wamba and already I'm entertained. It's partly the names, partly the fact that the description is over for now. Because it comes back a paragraph later. Did I mention how much description there is? Because there's a lot. And it's about clothes again. Gurth and Wamba stop to insult a swine-herd for no discernable reason (I'm not kidding). Gurth calls his wolf, Fangs. I'm getting slightly more interested.
So then a priest, a Templar, and a parson are riding through the woods, this is starting to sound like the beginning of a bad joke, and the chapter ends there.

Thoughts: There better not be more description. If I have to hear one more word about someone's pants, I'm going to kill someone. But keept the ridiculous names and wolf-calling coming. I'm okay with that.

NaNoWriMo is eating my soul and it isn't even November

For those of you who weren't led here by my absolutely glorious hyperlinking from my NaNoWiMo forum sig, I have been a devout NaNoer for two years since I was dragged to my local library for a kickoff in 2009.
You think I'd be more familiar with writing historical fiction, being to author of a blog such as this. Alas, my only attempt came in 4th grade with a wildly inaccurate story about an Italian monarchy in unspecified-time-period-that-looks-a-bit-like-the-ealry-1800s-if-you-squint. It was about an assassin and a princess and I haven't looked back since. (Seeing as I didn't and still don't know much about post-renaissance Italy, the reasoning behind this adventure still baffles me)
I decided I'd tackle some more...familiar territory in 2011. Medieval England should be easy, I fatally thought as I decided to update my novel info page. This year, it's "Mockery King of Snow", a novel about the imprisonment of Richard II. I have 50,000 words to write about this.

Damn.

SO. I have sequestered myself to my brand-spankin'-new favorites folder with the articles about him I scavanged from endless nights stalking around Google and the piles of books about the Medieval world strewn about my house.
Also: PLOTTING. Which has, in the past, been a notoriously dirty word. I never plot until I have to, a habit I have to break soon or I'll never get this done. So far, the plotting I've managed could maybe take up the first...sixth of the novel.
This should be easier with an established historical figure. But here I am, mapping out his relationship with his father until my brain is dripping out my ears (lovely visual there). Not to mention the fact that Half Price only had ONE. BOOK. ABOUT RICHARD II. Wedged between more books about the Tudors than I could ever read. I need to make a post about that...hmm.
But I've got until November. Then I'm dead. For now, I need to get through the Grapes of Wrath. (It helps if you imagine everyone with Irish accents).

I swear I'm going to do webcomics eventually

I'm just an extremely easily distracted person, ya know? I have a bunch of scripts for things lying around and some odd sketches (including a request for Richard II I did for my bored friend once that may never see the light of day), but maybe I'll leave you with some of the character designs I've been working on. I admit, I was originally going to do a graphic novel of Holinshed, but then I read the thing and realized it would probably be more trouble than it's worth. So instead, I'm doing a side project with Shakespeare's histories.

Yes, I know they're blue. These are just blue prints *rimshot* for actual drawings. Today, I'll leave you with graphic novel Richard III. I personally refer to this particular picture as 'white beardless Jafar'. You'll see why.

See why?

So I got a Twitter

I know I haven't got many readers yet, but if you want to keep up on the details of my bloggers block, my attempts at NaNoWriMo, or some snarky nerdiness, you can follow @BloodyMarySue on Twitter and let the geeky fun begin. I've finally moved out of the 14th century and succumbed to Twitter. Edward the Confessor save us all.

Historical Figure of the Month: Richard II

Because I've never done this before, I suppose this merits explaination. Every month (or every month I update this blog thingymajigger, as the case may be), there'll be a little entry here about one of my current favorite historical figures. Not a whole essay on them, but a little summary of the good points. If I get enough readers, maybe we can vote. For the sake of time, I'll refer to these as HFMs.

So. Richard II. Fun guy. I've been researching him for National Novel Writing Month recently and basically have a favorites folder of whatever I could find about him, plus the ONE BOOK in my entire bookstore that I could scavange and am in the middle of muddling through (Richard II and the Revolt of 1399. It's awesome for intensive research, if not a bit, erm...dry at times.)

Kind of a sad little story. I mean, his brother dies, his father (the up until now pretty epic war hero Edward the Black Prince) is a whole other story in terms of giving the poor kid an inferiority complex, then Edward up and dies of dysentery (I have yet to find a good majority of historical figures who didn't, though) and he's named heir to the throne by his grandfather. Which is not a good idea when there are of-age, legitimate, perfectly alive sons knocking around. But we'll give old Edward III a break for now. He's old.

(And also moonlights as Albus Dumbledore)

So Edward--the king guy: the Black Prince died a little while ago--also dies. Strangely not of dysentery. The ten year-old is king. This is decidedly not a good thing. It usually isn't when it comes to English history (sorry, Dumbles). Adorable anticdote time: according to contemporary accounts, the whole coronation deal was so long and boring that poor Richard fell asleep at the banquet and was carried to his bed by his tutor, losing a slipper on the way there (and if that doesn't make you say 'd'aw!'...then you're not me).

Things go suprisingly...well. 14 year-old Richard puts down a peasant revolt, famously commanding his soldiers by shouting "I am your captain, follow me!". Pretty awesome so far.

(He even rides in style)

Except his wife dies. And everyone hates his BFF Robert de Vere. And the guy that carried him to bed in the cute story is excecuted. Then his 6 year-old future most vehement fangirl's father arranges their marriage (she pretty much cared more about avenging his death than the entirety of England). The fact that he held something refered to as the 'Mericless Parliament' should says something. You can only really...3/4s blame the guy. He's also known to sit in his throne for long periods of time and force anyone passing him to kneel before him, so he hasn't come out of this too...right in the head.

To remedy things, his cousin Henry of Bolingbroke decides he's going to stage a coup. Now, if you're Henry, you have to take a step back and look at things. Your cousin, who was your childhood best friend, is the king of England. He's basically spent the past couple decades being kicked around in some fashion and may be on the verge of going mad with power. He throws his money around like confetti to people he likes. Hypothetically, if you're Henry, you want to stay on this guy's good side, right?

Wrong.

Not when your cousin takes off for Ireland again, leaves England wide open for you to invade, and the guys he left behind to guard the place take your word for it that you're totally not here to take over (psh, who said anything about usurping?). Richard doesn't recieve too warm a welcome when he comes back. So he abdicates the throne to Henry.

To add insult to injury, Henry (now Henry IV), imprisions him in the Tower of London, moves him to Pontefract castle. No one really knows what happened after that. He kind of becomes an Elvis figure. You think he's dead, but soon enough you see this guy that kind of looks like him and make him the head of the anti-Lancastrian movement. Typical stuff like that.

And hopefully, you made it all the way to the end of this post. That's it for this installment. Feel free to suggest topics for future HFMs and fare thee well.

Dear Kenneth Branagh...

Your hair isn't nearly stupid enough.

Awesome movie, though.

First, an introduction

This is this history class you never had (or maybe never wanted): a crash course in medieval England (and maybe a couple other places) with all its quirks and detours and sidestreets and dark alleyways between the shady Chinese place and that place with the beaded curtains that always smells like incense.
Ever had an urge to disect Holinshed? Debate the historical accuracy and implications of Shakespeare? Hang the dirty laundry of the Plantagenets out to dry? You're in the right place. And hopefully, some of that will be here eventually.

Coming up: Bloody Mary Sue reads Holinshed's Chronicles (fun times, fun times)