Yes, you.
Behind the computer.
Don't think I don't know you're there.
Since there seem to be one or two people who read this thing, I have a propostition for you. And it's not a poll, I swear. But I do want you to suggest something.
Inspiration struck when reading my new find, 'Royal Blood: Richard III and the Mystery of the Princes', which is my second book with that famous Princes in the Tower painting on it. You know, this one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Princes.jpg
I was asked who the two girls on the cover were. Getting on with the point and hearing tales about daughters of noblemen disguised as men because the family needed an heir. Jokingly, I said, "However crackpot that theory is, someday I will back that up with historical fact."
Then I realized: I have a history blog. I'm in the right position to do this sort of thing.
So I want you to give me the most crackpot theory about the midieval ages you can possibly come up with. Weather it's the previous notion that Edward V was a girl or if you want me to prove that Henry IV and Richard II were the same person, go ahead. Suggest it down in the comments. I'll pick the most entertaining of my options and run with it.
And make a...*gasp...WEB COMIC about it. The choice is yours, readers. Wherever you are.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Dear Historians: The Tudors? Really?
Sorry for the brief reprive from R&J, but I thought we might need it .As I complained in my last post, I have a huge beef with English history sections in bookstores.
THE TUDORS.
I don't have a problem with the Tudor dynasty itself. It was a pleasantly dysfunctional time when it came to succession and problems with the nobility. Problem: where'd the Plantagenets go?
I have previously explained my plight at Half Price with attempting to find a book on Richard II. I did once find a book on Richard III and ended up buying it for a buck, but that's not the point. You have to SIFT. And I mean sift through those books. Last night, I came out with one book from the history section.
So is there any explaination for the Tudor phenomenon, or am I just the only one who notices? It's hard to be a late medieval period scholar these days...
Monday, September 5, 2011
Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 8)
Okay, so after watching 'Les Rois du Monde' a few million times in a head-bobbing trance, I'm moving on to this song. Please don't disappoint me, new song. I'm on a good music high and I don't like to be taken down a notch.
The music is sad now. This is gonna be a sad song. No, look, writer! I don't want a sad song after that! You're horrible at transitions! Ooooh, Lilly's back. This isn't looking good. Romeo's all emo again. Boo-hoo, Romes. You're going to a party. I feel so bad for you. Why are you whining? Stop it.
H'okay, you can't act. What's with the dramatic fainting motions and making squinty-faces? Lilly comes up behind him. Lilly, you're creepy. Romeo, you still can't act. And, oh, you're 'scared'.
...Of what?
And why is Lilly flailing you around? How are you singing from that position? LILLY, STOP GROPING PEOPLE... Or blowing on them creepily. I have to wonder: where did this sudden moment of sheer terror come from? You were just dancing merrily a couple minutes ago.
Not saying this isn't a pretty song. Or his voice isn't kind of awesome. It's just...the acting. And the context. Do we have any clue why Lily's here yet? Seriously.
If I were Romeo, I wouldn't be singing. I'd be trying to get the freaky lady with the mummy bandages off my back.
So do we get that Romeo's scared yet? Because he's scared. He's totally scared. Of what, I don't know. But he's scared, alright. So scared, man.
Ah, phew! Mercutio's coat is back. Romeo, presumably, goes back to party hard.
Thoughts: Lilly. What the hell is she? Why's she trying to make a move, albiet and invisible one, on Romeo? AND WHAT IS ROMEO SO DAMN TERRIFIED OF?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 7)
The Montagues gather on the stage. It's about to get real up in here. In SLOOOO-MOOOOO.
Nah, here we go. This music is catchy. And YAY, ROMEO'S HAIR IS BACK! I mean...Romeo's back. Ahem. He starts singing about how awful it must be to be a king of the world. As the girls fall all over him. Jeeze, Romeo's quite the ladies-man, isn't he? And Spiky Coat and Lance Bass are back! Does this mean...the coat DOES feature prominently in the play! I was right! It's Mercutio!
In turn, Lance Bass does the same thing. Romeo seems perky. Whatever happened to Rosalind and that whole mopey subplot? Gone? Ah well.
Now comes the highly coreographed dance to the...really catchy hook. I like this hook. I feel like dancing to this myself... Do I actually LIKE this song? I...I do.
Wow.
This is impressive after the travesty that was part six. I have renewed hope in this thing.
Mercutio has his verse about how terrible being rich and powerful is. Because partying is important in life. Partying and having no morals. Don't look at me--it's in the lyrics.
Everyone rolls around on stage. Why does this keep happening? Do we have no extra dancing we can do in between choruses? No? Alright then.
I'll just say this right now: these costumes entertain me. Look at them. Romeo's wearing a blue leather suit with ruffles, Benvolio has that stupid turquois spaceman jumpsuit, and...well, Mercutio's jacket exists.
Someone backsprings across stage, which is becoming a motif apparently. Then he breakdances. What time period are we in again? Something's renaissance-y about this, but there's something a bit too modern here. I shouldn't have to ask these questions.
I CAN'T FIGHT IT ANYMORE!
Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 6)
Just for kicks, I decided to bring in a guest to comment on our next number with me. Say hello to my dearest friend, Poetoffire. I asked her to so kindly give her commentary over Skype in real time while we viewed part six of the neverending saga of Roméo et Juliette. This will probably only make sense if you watch between reading. Since this number was fairly short and annoying, I think we'll be fine. If you want to skip the live commentary, I'll do a short recap at the end.
Bloody Mary Sue: My god, that music is poppy.
I wanna dance to it.
Poetoffire: The nurse's hair looks like a bowl of spaghetti.
BMS: What happened to the stupid twinkly music?
POF: They're still speaking in sign language.
BMS: Half of them do. And why is Beardy dancing with a bunch of guys?
POF: Lady Capulet annoys me.
Everyone's overemoting.
BMS: RIVERDANCING.
WUT.
This song is nothing like any of the others. I doubt this is from the same musical.
EVERYONE TALKS WITH THEIR HANDS.
POF: I have been listening to too much Rocky Horror, because superimposed on the French I can hear Terrence Mann growl "Don't! Get! Hot! And! Flustered! Use! A! Bit! Of! Mustard!"
BMS: Nurse and Lady C are acting like they're trying to sell her to the slave trade.
So...opinions?
Personally, that was...out of place.
POF: Obnoxious, overly monochromatic, eerily reminiscent in tone to numbers like "Masquerade" from Phantom, and Lady Capulet has crazy eyes.
BMS: This whole number just kind of...blew the top off everything else. I'm confused. And I want to know who red-head lady is.
She's been emoting since the first number.
POF: Who?
I honestly don't care anymore.
BMS: That was a really annoying number.
POF: It reminded me of that one patriotic song.
BMS: I think that number could've been handled a lot differently.
And a lot better.
POF: I think it was obnoxious through and through.
BMS: The music choice was just weird.
Waaaay too pop-y.
POF: And it didn't further the plot from the last song.
BMS: I think if they'd combined the ideas of those two songs into something, it might've worked. This one just kind of reiderates it.
Also, I just rewatched the beginning.
The nurse is annoying.
***
GAH! La musique! Weren't we all Parisian Cafe-y a second ago? I didn't like THAT certainly, but I prefer it to this.
Everyone's rough-housing Juliet. And luckily, red head lady isn't the nurse. It's Spaghetti Hair lady (thanks for that, Poetoffire, now I'll never stop seeing it). This Lady C is a lot different than the one in the third number. A lot more...annoyingly peppy. Presumably, she's telling Juliet how wonderful it is now that she's of marrying age and men are going to be seeking her hand. Ah, the joys of being objectified! Juliet isn't impressed. Nor would I be. In fact, she looks pretty terrified. Get the poor girl out of the awful musical number, for heaven's sakes!
And now Nurse is assaulting her. Wasn't her mother bad enough? And seriously: why does everyone talk with their hands so much? No, Juliet, you don't have to look happy. This is terrible. Here come the riverdancing girls... Why? Just...why?
Now Juliet talks to Nurse for awhile. And she's not a very good actress. Neither of them are, really. Bring back Escalus!
Thoughts: That was...annoying. Sorry about that. I truly am.
Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 5)
(Check the others: they have pictures too now)
Is that...no. Paris? PARIS? Paris, your coat looks like a Ren-Fest worker was given a week and the wardrobe of an eighties soap opera to make a costume. Gold lamé doesn't work on everyone, deary. Your sleeves look like grenades too.
And who is the red head lady? Why does she keep showing up? Is this someone I should be concerned about?
Any-who, Lady C and Paris are talking while very French music plays. Then he starts singing about how charming he is. I'm sorry, Paris darling, but that's not how you do it. Especially when your singing voice isn't up to par. And simply saying 'Give her to me' is not the most...effective of methods when you're trying to convince her parents to let you marry her. Nor is dancing with her mother. You know, Paris, I liked you in the actual play. I felt sorry for you. I coined a literary syndrom after you. But why is everyone in this play really creepy when they're introduced? Seriously: Escalus, Romeo, now you. Please tell me this isn't a continuing trend.
Waaaaait. Is red head lady...the NURSE? She's tending to Juliet, she's been shown more often than not...no. It couldn't be. Tell me I'm wrong. Just like Beardy is...I won't even go there yet. I don't want to.
Speak of the devil! There he is! And who's the guy who's uncomfortably close to him? I'm sorry Lord Capulet, but Beardy and Baldy seem to have something going on here. Who's that guy dancing with Lady C?
The ladies try to convice Juliet that Paris is hot. It doesn't work. I don't blame her: Paris doesn't quite live up to their...miming. Beardy looks angry. BEARDY MAD! BEARDY SMASH! Don't tell me you don't wish that was happening.
Thoughts: Well...that was short. This was probably my least favorite song and this play might just make me not like Paris.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Watch Along: Pictures I should've included
I'm going to start including a picture for each from now on. Examples:
Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 4)
Start at about 56 seconds in on this one. Unless you really want to watch Lance Bass again.
So we begin with a girl in a red dress. Judging by color scheme, this is Juliet. She's hugging a pillow. All she needs now is a diary and some music blaring in the background and the scene is complete. But the music is all pretty now. She's gonna sing. Joy...
Wait. That's a dude. I'm assuming that's not her voice. Though that would be epic. Nooo, that's extremely-attractive-hair man. Romeo? Please be Romeo.
WHOA WHY IS JULIET FLOATING. Seriously? Where'd that set piece come from? Audience, stop clapping. They haven't done anything yet. Wait...is the whole wall a projection screen? Who's the hologram here?
This is getting cheesy. As I expected. Why is Romeo stalking a couple on the streets? Stop watching them kiss. You're being creepy.
I assume they're talking about wanting to be in love for just one day. That seems to pretty much sum up this song. Is Juliet's bed...floating around? Or is the camera moving? Or is Romeo floating? Who cares. He has pretty hair. He can float around as much as he wants. But notice: does he look like a hologram in the close-ups? No. When they zoom out? He seems to be a projection. I don't know where the set is anymore. Or...what the set is.
ROMEO. THERE'S A GIRL SINGING THE HARMONY OF YOUR WEEPY LOVE-SONG RIGHT ABOVE YOU. LOOK UP MORE. SHE'S RIGHT THERE. *ahem* Anyway...
Aaaand Lance Bass is back. That was abrupt. I didn't even have time to transition out of finally accepting the cheese.
Oh, there's a screen there! That makes sense now. But...why? Lance Bass tells him his mother's looking for him. They walk past each other a bunch. Romeo...disappears into the ether? Wh-...Where'd he-- Never mind. Makes as much sense as anything else.
Thoughts: Kick out Benvolio. This play stars Romeo's hair and Romeo's hair alone. Maybe Escalus. But, Romeo, please stop with the creeping.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 3)
And we're back. Now the music is all sad. Lilly, stop making hand gestures. Now the flowy sleeves are flying everywhere and they're still fighting. Didn't you all pay attention? Escalus's coat his kind of hard to miss.
Okay, so THIS lady must be Lady C. She's wondering where Juliet is apparently and telling her to look around at the fighting. The song's called 'Hatred' in English, so...makes sense. The fighting looks a little more dance-y now.
And heeeereee's Lady Montague. Probably here to sing about the same thing. One of those compare/contrast songs. It's nice. But why is her lipstick that weird color? No one needs lipstick a million times lighter than their actual skin. It just looks odd. I like her voice, though.
Still, what's with the dance-fighting?
Lady C points dramatically at the hate. Look. Look at the hate. It's a lot of hate. She's pointing right at it. There's some hate right there. Okay, Montagues and Capulets. You're not fighting. You're dancing dangerously. There's no fighting here. There's twirling.
The Ladies point accusingly at each other. Weren't we just talking about how bad hatred was? The audience claps. Why do we need to see them? They're not interesting at all.
Here comes Benvolio, aka Lance Bass. Does that make Freaky Beard...nah, it can't be. Not until I know for sure. I won't freak out until then. She asks him where Romeo is. Benvolio gets all nervous and avoids the question with such grace that I almost applaud him. But he finally admits he doesn't know. Lady Montague's hair is strange. I just noticed that. Huh.
She demands he go and search for Romeo. He mocks her. Well done, Benny-boy. Such grace. I can see why you were the sane cousin in the play. And here we leave off.
Thoughts: The voices in this are awesome. Benvolio's a bit out of character and still no main characters, but I can wait it out.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Watch Along: Roméo et Juliette (part 1/2)
Fair warning. It's in French. And while I'm not fluent, I can understand a bit and I'm very familiar with the plot of Shakespeare's play. So unless you speak more French than I do, be prepared to take what I give you and be confused when I am. As far as I know, this may be the worst decision of my life. Adaptations of R and J tend to be on the...really, really bad side. But I like French musicals and I like Shakespeare, so I'm gonna go for it.
Alright so we start off with a really long monologue with a cheesy burning heart thingymabobber in the background. After a LOT of credits. How many people worked on this thing? The opener is also really long and really cheesy. It's something about love stories and the moon and the 'night and the guitars'...wait, what? Never mind. I'll skip along for you. It's pretty much the same thing from here on out. Love, blood, and rhetoric. (+2 nerd points if you caught the reference) I'm literally going to skip forward on this thing. Just bear with me and imagine the chorus of Romeo and Juliet being done twice as long at less than half the speed and--
ACK. WHO'S THE CREEPY LADY? WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE? IS THAT...Juliet? Maybe? I certainly hope not. She freaks me out. Her eyes are...weird.
BLUE LIGHTS UP. Those are the Montagues. I'm pretty damn sure of it. Blue and Red is always the color scheme. And if my calculations are correct...
DRAMATIC RED LIGHT. Ha! I was right! They run in a jerky formation at each other. Or...stomp. Or...wait, it's over?
That was disappointing. Let's keep going, I guess. I want to get to something. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KJk0KZjTdI&feature=related
GAH! Why is Creepy Lady still there? Get her away from me! What exactly IS the purpose of her continously looking up at something? Is this a motif? Wait...that's just the end of the last video.
Ahem. Anyway. Moving on. LIGHTS. A couple people run towards each other. The set looks like a Lego castle set. And GET OUT OF MY FACE CREEPY LADY. Are you the chorus? Are you the angel of doom or something? I don't get you...
She waves her hand. Some pop-y music plays and everyone's...laughing. Okay, so we're on the streets of Verona. I guess. Makes as much sense as anything else.
Then a dude comes in and...dear god that's a shiny coat. That's a really shiny coat. With lots of bling. And fur. He must be Escalus. They bow to him. No fighting yet. But I'm in lurve with his voice. And his hair. I don't know why. He's being creepy.
Aaaand his shirt is sparkly too. Why am I not suprised? It's hard to understand what they're saying, but it's something about living in Verona and there seems to be some tension. Creepy Lady flaps her sleeves. Seriously, who is she? This song is growing on me. I sincerely hope the rest of the soundtrack keeps up with it. And if that's Romeo withe the boy-band frosted tips...kill me now. I'm assuming the redhead is Lady C, and she's freaking me out a bit.
And STOP IT Creepy Lady. WHO. ARE. YOU? The more I look, the more ridiculous the costumes are. There's a guy in a blue jacket that seemes to be poofed out into spikes. If that jacket doesn't feature prominently, I will be sorely disappointed.
Creepy Lady keeps existing. I'm going to call her Lilly from now on. It suits her and I have no other ideas. I kinda like this song. And Escalus's voice. I hope he's in here more. Lilly flaps around some more. Get off the stage and let the man sing. I'd really like that. You look like the Mummy meets the Bride of Frankenstein in a blender with stupid sleeves. Escalus has cooler sleeves than you do. Take that.
Now the music is all sad. NOW IT'S ANGRY. The red shirt guy is going cray-cray. Someone backhand-springs across the stage. Lilly fwooshes around. There's a bunch of screaming. Someone tell me what's happening.
Does this mean...oooh. Are we going to fight now? Jolly good. I love a good skirmish. This is getting intense. I might need some popcorn. And now there's two dudes in the middle. The servants from the beginning of the play, I presume. Maybe Lord Capulet and Lord Montague. It's Freaky Beard vs. Lance Bass. I'm intrigued. There's some highly choreographed dancing while they walk dramatically towards each other. Freaky Beard gives Lance Bass a 'you got served' gesture and Lance Bass tackles him.
Escalus is back! Yay! Didn't he just leave five seconds ago...nah, forget it. He yells and flails his arms a bit and Lilly stands there looking devious. I still don't like her. It's going to take a lot for that to change.
And my thoughts on the color scheme were right. It's always blue and red. He says he's pardoning them this once, but if it happens one more time, the prince is gonna go medieval on 'em. And then it's over.
Thoughts: I'm gonna give this a chance. Prince Escalus better come back and Lilly better prove herself. Peace out.
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