What are these things and why do I want to read them?

I want to read medieval historical fiction. Save me.

After searching 'Plantagenet' on Amazon, I was bombarded with sweeping tales of illegitamate daughters and kings' sisters longing for romance and adventure so hard Disney princesses would disown them. And you know what? I feel like torturing myself a bit: I actually want to read them.

I tend to not like female protagonists in medieval settings.They're always 'ahead of their time' and 'strong-willed', meaning I have to sit through a score of princesses trying to show up the royal guards and join the ranks of generally pig-headed soldiers who I could honestly care less about. No one thinks like women would have in the 1300s, 1400s, what have you, in the least bit.. All they do is but heads with authority and patriarchy and I do not give one damn about how feminist it is. I didn't come here for premature feminism via medieval Mary Sues. And yet...I am intrigued.

So I'm going to find a medieval historical fiction novel. I am going to read it. I will probably not enjoy it. And if I find one, you will probably hear no end to my opinions. But hey. That's why you read this blog anyway. Now if you'll excuse me, I will probably finish this NaNoWriMo in January at this rate and Richard II is not depressed enough to provide wordcount.

MIND: BLOWN

So I decided to watch Shrek 2 today, reliving those miraculous days when the Shrek franchise was still good. (I was one of those people refused to see the fourth movie, FYI. Too many memories to ruin.) Drifting along in wonderful nostalgia, I started recalling blissful memories of the first movie. Then it hit me.

I would hope anyone who has likewise enjoyed the first two movies would recall Lord Farquaad. If not, here's a reference.

Got that image in your head again? Good. Prepare yourselves.

So I recently also sat down with my computer for a good dose of Laurence Olivier on Youtube (also currently in the process of making a guide to watching his Richard III). Now brace yourselves. Remember what Laurence Olivier looked like as Richard III?

LOOK AT THAT. Same hair, name face, same color scheme. Think about it. Really think about it. Lord Farquaad is Richard III. Tell me I'm not the only one who sees it.